The sparsely occupied theatre was hooting at all the incredibly pathetic one-liners that a fourth grader would roll his eyes at. Sid and Marty Kroft style sound effects - seriously - bad guy goes flying (and there is plenty of way-too-high, way-too-far flying around of bad guys) WHOOSH! Bad guys lands on his fanny, a la Sigmund the Sea Monster, and bdoooiiiinng! YAWN! says the audience. BOO says the cow.

The $200 million used to torment me last night could have been distributed among the needy upstart filmmakers all over America. Or sent to Africa to feed the entire continent for a year.

No storyline to speak of. Why were Elle McPherson and Vivca A. Fox in this movie? They didn't do anything. Vendela was suspended in a jar, she might as well have been some lovely extra from the enormous pool of non-working actors. Heroes dangling in a seemingly unsavable situation - then cut to them chatting and relaxed at home. Um, I guess they escaped!

I walked into that theatre with EXTREMELY low expectations, I was embarassed to tell a coworker I saw in the lobby what I was there to see (until he said he was also seeing it, "under duress"), and I am bitter that my duty to protect you, my readers, from wasting money, forced me to see this dreck.

Did I mention that I was disappointed by this movie? Noisy ready-to-sell alternarock soundtrack, whiny Chris O'Donnell, uninteresting and unfinished plot involving Alicia Silverstone, not enough bad guys doing bad things, but plenty of bad guys talking about all the bad things they were going to do. I actually didn't notice when one of them was caught (ooh gave it away, oops!) and still I don't know how it happened. Bane was funny. But even a piece of asbestos looks pretty in a pile of vomited barbeque.

Rent something, go see an art film, a movie you have seen before, just don't see this.
Unless you like sickening car accidents.