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I pay full price so you don't have to!!!! OK. I have to say this. The Postman was nowhere near as bad as I had been set up to believe. I'm not saying go buy the Criterion Collection laser disc, I was just so set up to create a new rating, underneath "Avoid at All Costs," which would have been "No no no no no no no."
For those who don't know, Costner plays a guy in a vague post-disaster 2013 wilderness formerly known as America who masquerades as a Postman and somehow brings not only mail, but hope, peace, children, and general good stuff to the world. |
| Yes, Kevin Costner is totally full of himself and must be shot. Yes, the movie is way too long and for way too little gain. But also, Larenz Tate could have saved that movie single handedly. He plays a kid in one of the towns who is suckered in by Costner's clever little ruse, who is actually responsible for the creation of the cult figure THE POSTMAN. |
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| The worst part about the Postman is not that it is stupid in and of itself - the idea is intriguing that a guy just trying to mooch a little soup could somehow accidentally, unwittingly, plant the seed for reorganization in chaos. |
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What should have happened: The first hour of the movie, in which we establish the bad guy, is shortened to 20 minutes. Costner meets Larenz Tate, does not prove what an amazing, heart wrenching lover he is with that pretty girl whozits, gives Tate the idea of starting lines of communication for real while also giving people hope that others have survived, then takes off. A year later, he should pop by and see what Tate did with this germ, and then GO AWAY and let Tate be the hero of this movie. |
| Tate's character, Ford, really cares about the good he is doing, gets everything organized, and is simultaneously acting his lovejones off getting us to believe too. Costner whines at the false authority he did not have to assume, he has a retarded pissing contest with the bad guy WHO DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHO HE IS (more on that in a bit), and he is somehow credited with everything, when he's just a huge dork. |
| OK, the director of photography, Stephen Windon, should also be noticed because he had some cool stuff going on. One screenwriter contributed to the agonizingly overrated and conservative Forrest Gump, the other the delicious LA Confidential. I just hope the Academy remembers the Postman when they are thinking about crowning LA Confidential. Anyway! I enjoyed some little cinematic tricks, and some bits here and there. |
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| Some sets were cool and plenty of stuff was dumb and unexplained. 30 minutes into the film I wrote: "Not offensive yet." One hour and 13 minutes in I marveled at Ford's commitment to the Postman and started spying holes in the story. 90 minutes in I wrote: "ACK. Suddenly it turns stupid." This is where Costner should have wandered off in search of a free meal and we could run with the interesting concept. |
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I took a LOT of notes and I considered just transcribing them for you all. Like, "A whole horse = one bowl of soup?" "I'd say appallingly mediocre at the 2 hr point....officially dumb." Maybe I will post them at www.hsbr.org for fun. "He's only the greatest man who ever lived!...He lives! It's Easter! |
But they don't deliver mail on Easter!" Yes, I write all this WHILE I watch a movie. My film companion kept tugging at my notebook, but I was transfixed. Most of the flaws (outside ego-related ones) are minor but there are so many! He casts Will Patton, a most uncharismatic, unthreatening to The Kevin stand-in for a bad guy nemesis, has him spout stupid lines of dialogue that only serve to empower his character, and then forgets to give them a relationship to make all this hatred make any sense. Oh woe! 13 minutes before the end of the film, plot occurs. Plus he sings over the credits with Amy Grant. If it weren't so long, I would love to see Mystery Science Theatre kick this one around. Poor Larenz - he was truly great.
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